Tuesday, Jan. 27th, 2009 @8:03am

Goodmorning! I hope everyone is doing well. Brenton, Tami & Lily are leaving today. It has been great to have them here. I don't know what to say about JoLinda anymore. I guess I am more frustrated each day. It seems like she has multiple personalities. Sometimes she is happy and is glad to be with us and is grateful. Othertimes she is mean, sneaky, and lying. She yells a lot these days and has quite the attitude. If you say the wrong thing to her, you will get an earfull. I miss my little girl! I wonder if she will ever be herself again. I wonder why God that I could handle this. I'm doing my best, but I'm not sure it's good enough. She, most of the time, treats me like I'm her mom. However, if you ask her, she will say she doesn't know who I am and gets mad and says I'm not her mom. At times she says Rich is not her stepdad either. She must be quite confused of why she's here. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks she is being held captive, not knowing who we are and thinking she is fine. Trying to keep my head above water is of no use now. Now I just want JoLinda to know who I am and that I am trying to do what is best for her and to take care of her the best I can. She is even going into the office and writing down on a piece of paper the name mom and then writing down my phone number. I caught her doing it and dialed for her and my phone rang. She immediately hung up the phone. Her mind is blocking it out for some reason. Anyway, we are going to try and work on a daily/weekly schedule this week and try to stick with it. I know having the extra people in the house has been really hard for her, but I've sure enjoyed them coming. At times she would go into my room and close the door and watch tv by herself. Noise and people for her are not a good mix. Anyway, Love you all, Laurie

Tuesday, Jan. 20th, 2009 @ 1:50pm

Hello everyone! I can't believe it's been a week. Sorry! JoLinda seems the same to me from the last time I wrote. She is still unsteading on her feet and feels more comfortable hanging onto me. She has completely stopped the treadmill, but we do go around the block 1 - 3 times a day. She is still very unsure and confused in a grocery store, including where to find things. The Dr. and Psychologist both agree that this is going to be a very long process. The Psych. report wasn't good. He is even unsure whether or not she will become oriented to place or people. She seems to know some people, but there is no depth to it. He also doesn't believe she will ever be the same. In what areas we still don't know. She at times will call me mom, or if someone asks her where mom is, she will tell them. But to this day, she will tell you I'm not her mom and will get mad. She things I'm her aunt and that all her aunts are trying to say they are her mom. She still thinks St. George is 4 hours away. She is still unaware of the disabilities that she has, except to say she knows she in unsteady walking and that she gets tired very quickly. She is still very afraid of spiders and bugs and checks everywhere. She is still sleeping in our room on a mattress on the floor and has no intention on going into her own room. She says when she wakes up, and gets scared she hears us breathing and feels like she is not alone. We are just trying to keep our heads above water and are now enjoying Brenton(my oldest son), Tami and Lily here for a weeks visit. It seems to be a lot of people for JoLinda and is much more tired with the extra stimulation, but we needed to see them and they needed to see us. JoLinda is enjoying helping in the kitchen, and that has been really good. Thanks to everyone for there help. We really appreciate all of you. Love Laurie

Tue. Jan. 13th 2009 @ 8:08am

Things seem to be looking up, or maybe I'm just handling them better. I'm trying not to stress too much and give myself a little time for myself. I even went to lunch with a friend of mine. I was nervous but it was really good to get out. JoLinda and I got to attend Sacrament with the rest of the family on Sunday. The last 15 min. were hard for her, but it was really good to go. JoLinda seems to be getting more ajusted to her life now. She is getting used to her routine and seems comfortable. She saw a Neuropsychologist yesterday. It was about 2 1/2 hours long. More testing of course. I had to leave her for about 2 hours of it. I was completely lost. She didn't like it either. We will find out the results to that visit on Friday. From the first 1/2 hour though, I learned a lot. I guess I never really asked JoLinda what is the last thing you remember before the accident? She hardly remembers anything. Not her 21st birthday, her High School Grad., her 16th birthday, nor the trip to Alaska we took. She has no starting point of what she remembers. That was really scary to me. I hang on to the progress she has made since leaving the hospital, like taking her medicine when I ask her, and walking more stable. She still only shows really only one emotion, and that is anger. No crying or laughing. She will tell us how much she loves us and shows fear. I guess I have to remember those too. Anyway, I am greatful for all your help and prayers. We are hanging in there. Love you all, Laurie

Thursday, Jan. 8th 2009, @ 7:50am

JoLinda's CT scan went well yesterday. She was a little nervous that something would hurt, but she did great. It was different to see the igages of the screws and plates in her face. Especially the jaw. Afterward she was able to see it. She got weak, & I don't think she liked it very well. Still unable to remember any of it, I think it makes it too real for her. She is still stubborn and not wanting to do anything as far as excercising or word search or sudoku and simple housework. She does now what I make her do. I am concerned about her headaches and hope they don't continue. I know what ever I can get her to do will only help her get better. She did 12 min. on the stationary bike yesterday and a few word search words. She also helped me cook dinner last night. Little by little I'm trying to keep her active. I know deep down that is what she would want me to do. She still is not oriented to place. Thinks there is another St. George and etc. I hope that comes soom. I seem to be getting more down all the time. Almost to a depression mode. Maybe I've been there for a long time, but it's definately getting worse. Doesn't seem to be any laughter in my home - nothing to laugh about. Don't know how we will ever pay for her bills and ours at the same time. She thinks she is still working and going to school and is a busy person. Getting hard to constantly hear such fantasy life. I feel like a broken record. Anyway, I'm still trying to keep my head up and hold everything together with myself, JoLinda, and the rest of my family. One minute at a time. Love you all, Laurie

Wed. Jan. 7th, 2009 @7:43am

Yes, unfortanately Jovi and Beau are back in school and I'm up early again. Can't beleive tomorrow I'm 43. I feel like I have aged 20 years in the past couple of months and I'm showing it too. JoLinda is getting better everyday, I guess. Her memory doesn't seem to be there at all. Yet she is starting to say she is fine and wants to go see her other family. When I ask her who is her other family she looks right at me and says my mom(Laurie), Rich, Jovi and Beau. She keeps thinking all these people, like 5 people, keep telling her they are her mom. It's always just me, but her mind is not putting things together. To think she is fine is supposed to be the 7th stage out of ten. I think she is going into 7 anyway. Not fully there yet. She is getting quite bored because I can't get her to do anything, she does'nt have the patience for it. She wants to go places, then it's too much for her and she wants to go home. I still hoping not to go out of my mind! I'm glad the boys are back in school, it was getting really hard for them. Ok it's been hard for them. We, meaning Rich now, is still busy with Real Estate and I think would really like our help about now. I try when I can. JoLinda's hair is starting to grow out where they shaved it, and the stains are off her teeth. We are glad of that. She is having bad headaches and pain in her jaw and mouth. She is getting a CT scan today to make sure everything is healing properly from her surgery on her jaw and face. Hopefully that goes well today. Hope everyone is doing well. Love, Laurie

Sat. Jan. 3, 2009 @10:23am

Wow was that a strange date to type. Time seems to have stopped for me. I wander when things will get back to normal. Or as Ann and I talked about yesterday, we will just be making a new normal. JoLinda is doing well. She was able to sit still for her speech appt. yesterday for an hour. They are doing lots of formal testing on her right now, both speech and OT. She is still not oriented to St. George, or even people yet. She calls me mom, but at the same time, if I ask her who I am she will say her sister(which she has none) or her aunt. She is quite familiar with our home now, but is still quite unsure of herself. Her trach is healing nicely. Her hair is growing out. All of her IV marks are fading. Yet, her mind is taking its own sweet time. She is getting more stubborn and we think that is a good thing. The more aware she is of her problems, we think she will become more upset. She is walking around the block with us most days(warm ones). And is up to 10 min. on the treadmill each day. She still can't remember that she just ate and so is hungry most of the time. We are monitoring that all day. Her daily living things of showering and brushing teeth, she is doing great now. Her stains on her teeth are now gone. Her jaw and lower lip tingle all day or she can't feel them at all. We are all hanging in there and did enjoy going to Sun River yesterday where JoLinda works. We are all looking forward to a much better year. Happy New Year to you all and our thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Love Laurie